The Grief Bubble

Mourning is a long process of working through grief. It is NOT expected of you to suffer every second. 
This loss is a new and permanent part of your life and it imposes itself, spreading wave after wave into every aspect of your existence. It is an unwelcome adjustment forced upon you by circumstances you could not control. Eventually it will be a permanent part of your life in one way or another, but this unwanted labor that demands your attention is not the master of your life and emotions. 

It might seem impossible to think of at first, but it is healthy to temporarily give yourself permission to enter a headspace where you choose to have no opinions on anything outside of it. This headspace is your grief bubble. A temporary self imposed exile from the unthinkable situation at hand. It seems impossible at first. How could you just "decide" to not care about this monumental loss.  But as a human being, you have a remarkable ability to decide what is important at any moment. And if you're like me, you've been gripping the problem so tight that you can barely unclench your grip on it. Entering a grief bubble is not abandoning the vigil, you're not dishonoring who you lost, you are showing yourself love. 

In showing yourself this small mercy, you heal just a tiny bit by showing yourself compassion. You give yourself permission to let go of the mess for a little while. It's not going anywhere, you still have to contend with it when the break is over, but just for a night, you get some good sleep. Just for two hours, you enjoy your favorite movie or video game. All that matters in the bubble is rest, it's not selfish, it's not permanent, it's a rare showing of self care in a situation where we tend to punish ourselves relentlessly. 

For me, I know my son would understand my sadness. But I also know that he loves me, and wouldn't want me to constantly punish myself as we adjust to his loss.  


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