The Burial
The wake and funeral were some of the most surreal moments of my life. Everyone was very kind and they performed full military honors.
While the casket was open, I was able to hold his hand, and I just thought about all the times he held my hand when he was little. Reaching out for daddy. And I held it every time. He had my hands. There were gloves on in his dress uniform, but the last time he was here I remember holding my hand up to his and thinking how much his hands were like mine. Only where I had stray freckles, he had the rich mocha tone of his mother's skin. So I held his hand one last time. I had a ring I wanted to give him at Christmas, so I put that in his pocket. I just kept thinking that if somehow, a resurrection is real and possible, that after he woke up, he would look in his pocket and see the ring there, and he would know that I put it there. He would know that dad was there at his last moments just as I was at his first.
I was the first person to carry Aben in the hospital, and after the last eulogy, I was one of the last to carry him out to the hearse. We rode in the Army van to his final resting place. The pastor tried to say something nice. But what I appreciated was the Honor Guard Ceremony. Because being in the 82nd airborne was such a big deal to him. Being a paratrooper was such a point of pride, and I know it would have made him feel good to know that the Army did not take his loss lightly and put him to rest with full honors.
I sent my son off to my warrior tribe so that he could learn our ways and fight the good fight. And if it was an enemy on the battlefield, I know he would have been victorious. But he fell to an invisible enemy. He died fighting this amorphous thing that wanted to steal the goodness from him. And those who die in battle are welcomed into Valhalla by Odin Himself.
I see it in my head: Aben is with the All Father now. He is strong, smiling. Odin is there behind him, hand clasping his shoulder, smiling along with him. Missing and eye he sacrificed for wisdom and his ravens on his shoulders that tell him secrets from all the realms. He welcomes Aben. He shows him where the fallen warriors train together in anticipation of Ragnarok. He shows him where they feast in the evening. And he will be there until the people he loves can be in the afterlife with him. And just that thought gives me a bit of peace.
While the casket was open, I was able to hold his hand, and I just thought about all the times he held my hand when he was little. Reaching out for daddy. And I held it every time. He had my hands. There were gloves on in his dress uniform, but the last time he was here I remember holding my hand up to his and thinking how much his hands were like mine. Only where I had stray freckles, he had the rich mocha tone of his mother's skin. So I held his hand one last time. I had a ring I wanted to give him at Christmas, so I put that in his pocket. I just kept thinking that if somehow, a resurrection is real and possible, that after he woke up, he would look in his pocket and see the ring there, and he would know that I put it there. He would know that dad was there at his last moments just as I was at his first.
I was the first person to carry Aben in the hospital, and after the last eulogy, I was one of the last to carry him out to the hearse. We rode in the Army van to his final resting place. The pastor tried to say something nice. But what I appreciated was the Honor Guard Ceremony. Because being in the 82nd airborne was such a big deal to him. Being a paratrooper was such a point of pride, and I know it would have made him feel good to know that the Army did not take his loss lightly and put him to rest with full honors.
I sent my son off to my warrior tribe so that he could learn our ways and fight the good fight. And if it was an enemy on the battlefield, I know he would have been victorious. But he fell to an invisible enemy. He died fighting this amorphous thing that wanted to steal the goodness from him. And those who die in battle are welcomed into Valhalla by Odin Himself.
I see it in my head: Aben is with the All Father now. He is strong, smiling. Odin is there behind him, hand clasping his shoulder, smiling along with him. Missing and eye he sacrificed for wisdom and his ravens on his shoulders that tell him secrets from all the realms. He welcomes Aben. He shows him where the fallen warriors train together in anticipation of Ragnarok. He shows him where they feast in the evening. And he will be there until the people he loves can be in the afterlife with him. And just that thought gives me a bit of peace.
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